WishKeepers
Awaken the Heart of Conversation with a Child

When my childhood friend asked her 2^nd grade class what they thought Martin Luther King Jr. meant when he said: “I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character,” her 7 year olds had a lot to say.  Good!  It ought to be a rich conversation that we are having with our children.

I believe there’s a growing urgency to be having such conversations – face to face, adult to child.  Not face to Facebook. Today, with the power of the internet under their still-forming fingers – and minds – bullying and bigoted behavior are being made to appear socially permissible, even while the headlines increasingly report its tragic consequences.

The children spoke clearly of judging each other because of a difference of color, or clothes, of anything that made them different from themselves and “their crowd.”  And, more telling, they knew it was hurtful. Curious.

Why is this hurtful behavior so freely engaged when we know it has such a terrible cost? And how do we talk to our children about the harm it causes. Perhaps we should start with an even more fundamental question to ask of ourselves, “What is character?”

I understand it to mean: the amount of time I adhere to my principles. Now you might ask, what are principles? Principles are born out of our Ideals; concepts that we can never fully achieve, but feel compelled to honor. More plainly, if I have an ideal of “Honesty”, then I might have a principle that says, “I will be honest with those I love even if it is scary or uncomfortable”. I may do this 98% of the time, or 48% of the time. The percentage determines the amount of character I have. Our character helps us determine the True North of our personal moral compass. Without that internal guide, we can easily fall prey to hurtful behavior, both for ourselves and for others.

So why have it? After all, we see plenty of successful people in the media, in business, and politics, that are “seemingly” happy, yet have NO character! It’s true you do not need character to have money or fame, but when we chuck out that moral compass and decide to follow the voices that are motivated out of greed, competition, or any other negative compulsion, we will eventually find ourselves lost without a sense of real direction or Self.

Having character paves the path to our Truer Selves. It connects us to “what matters”, and offers us a motivation that nurtures our self-esteem. You can’t help but be inspired in the presence of someone that has character. Isn’t that what we truly want for kids?

The first place to start is with YOURSELF…

1. What do I REALLY care about? What Ideals compel me?
2. What behaviors or choices honor that Ideal?
3. What does your child care about? Sharing? Being Clever? Being creative? What is at the heart of their actions? What behaviors are in or out of alignment with their Ideals? Which ones can they change? Which ones can they bolster?
4. Congratulate them on who you see them becoming.

We want our kids to behave and follow directions, and we constantly remind them to adhere to those rules, yet how often do we remind them to adhere to their principles? Developing and discussing character is at the foundation of your relationship together. By being such a guide, you are teaching your child to think, to feel, and to communicate with more love and discernment. You are reflecting their True North and giving them a REAL TOOL: a trusty internal compass to help them navigate their lives with Inspired Brilliance.